Mrs. Gorf had a long tongue and pointed ears. She was the meanest teacher in Wayside School. She taught the class on the thirtieth story.
“If you children are bad,” she warned, “or if you answer a problem wrong, I’ll wiggle my ears, stick out my tongue, and turn you into apples!” Mrs. Gorf didn’t like children, but she loved apples.
Joe couldn’t add. He couldn’t even count. But he knew that if he answered a problem wrong, he would be turned into an apple. So he copied from John. He didn’t like to cheat, but Mrs. Gorf had never taught him how to add.
One day Mrs Gorf caught Joe copying John’s paper. She wiggled her ears – first her right one, then her left – stuck out her tongue, and turned Joe into an apple. Then she turned John into an apple for letting Joe cheat.
“Hey, that isn’t fair,” said Todd. “John was only trying to help a friend.”
Mrs. Gorf wiggled her ears – first her right one, then her left – stuck out her tongue, and turned Todd into an apple. “Does anybody else have an opinion?” she asked.
Nobody said a word.
Mrs. Gorf laughed and placed the three apples on her desk.
Stephen started to cry. He couldn’t help it. He was scared.
“I do not allow crying in the classroom,” said Mrs. Gorf. She wiggled her ears – first her right one, then her left – stuck out her tongue, and turned Stephen into an apple.
For the rest of the day, the children were absolutely quiet. And when they went home, they were too scared even to talk to their parents.
But Joe, John, Todd, and Stephen couldn’t go home. Mrs. Gorf just left them on her desk. They were able to talk to each other, but they didn’t have much to say.
Their parents were very worried. They didn’t know where their children were. Nobody seemed to know.
The next day Kathy was late for school. As soon as she walked in, Mrs. Gorf turned her into an apple.
Paul sneezed during class. He was turned into an apple.
Nancy said, “God bless you!” when Paul sneezed. Mrs. Gorf wiggled her ears – first her right one, then her left – stuck out her tongue, and turned Nancy into an apple.
Terrence fell out of his chair. He was turned into an apple.
Maurecia tried to run away. She was halfway to the door as Mrs. Gorf’s right ear began to wiggle. When she reached the door, Mrs. Gorf’s left ear wiggled. Maurecia opened the door and had one foot outside when Mrs. Gorf stuck out her tongue. Maurecia became an apple.
Mrs. Gorf picked up the apple from the floor and put it on her desk with the others. Then a funny thing happened. Mrs. Gorf turned around and fell over a piece of chalk.
The three Erics laughed. They were turned into apples.
Mrs. Gorf had a dozen apples on her desk: Joe, John, Todd, Stephen, Kathy, Paul, Nancy, Terrence, Maurecia, and the three Erics – Eric Fry, Eric Bacon, and Eric Ovens.
Louis, the yard teacher, walked into the classroom. He had missed the children at recess. He had heard that Mrs. Gorf was a mean teacher. So he came up to investigate. He saw the twelve apples on Mrs. Gorf’s desk. “I must be wrong,” he thought. “She must be a good teacher if so many children bring her apples.” He walked back down to the playground.
The next day a dozen more children were turned into apples. Louis, the yard teacher, came back into the room. He saw twenty-four apples on Mrs. Gorf’s desk. There were only three children left in the class. “She must be the best teacher in the world,” he thought.
By the end of the week all of the children were apples. Mrs. Gorf was very happy. “Now I can go home,” she said. “I don’t have to teach anymore. I won’t have to walk up thirty flights of stairs ever again.”
“You’re not going anywhere,” shouted Todd. He jumped off the desk and bopped Mrs. Gorf on the nose. The rest of the apples followed. Mrs. Gorf fell on the floor. The apples jumped all over her.
“Stop,” she shouted, “or I’ll turn you into applesauce!”
But the apples didn’t stop, and Mrs. Gorf could do nothing about it.
“Turn us back into children,” Todd demanded.
Mrs. Gorf had no choice. She stuck out her tongue, wiggled her ears – this time her left one first, then her right – and turned the apples back into children.
“All right,” said Maurecia, “let’s go get Louis. He’ll know what to do.”
“No!” screamed Mrs. Gorf. “I’ll turn you back into apples.” She wiggled her ears – first her right one, then her left – and stuck out her tongue. But Jenny held up a mirror, and Mrs. Gorf turned herself into an apple.
The children didn’t know what to do. They didn’t have a teacher. Even though Mrs. Gorf was mean, they didn’t think it was right to leave her as an apple. But none of them knew how to wiggle their ears.
Louis, the yard teacher, walked in. “Where’s Mrs. Gorf?” he asked.
Nobody said a word.
“Boy, am I hungry,” said Louis. “I don’t think Mrs. Gorf would mind if I ate this apple. After all, she always has so many.”
He picked up the apple, which was really Mrs. Gorf, shined it
up on his shirt, and ate it.
? Sideways Stories from Wayside School ?
Mrs. Jewls had a terribly nice face. She stood at the bottom of Wayside School and looked up. She was supposed to teach the class on the thirtieth story.
The children on the thirtieth story were scared. They had never told anybody what had happened to Mrs. Gorf. They hadn’t had a teacher for three days. They were afraid of what their new teacher would be like. They had heard she’d be a terribly nice teacher. They had never had a nice teacher. They were terribly afraid of nice teachers.
Mrs. Jewls walked up the winding, creaking staircase to the thirtieth story. She was also afraid. She was afraid of the children. She had heard that they would be horribly cute children. She had never taught cute children. She was horribly afraid of cute children.